Help please! I can't get hold of my emails. Yesterday morning I went to check them and I got this.



I tried what I thought was my username and password now but it didn't work. Anyone know where I can find the information for this?

I'm off to college today, meeting Leslie to look at this dreaded hat stuff but the liklihood of me doing the extra work is nil as already with the embroidery of Toni's stuff and my outfit and both our corset, plus a dress for the staff party etc, I'm just not gonna have time. So I'm gonna nod and then get the print designs on to screen. Maybe do a print or two while I'm there and I'll have to be back in another day because my dress pattern needs a bit of alteration before I print on it. The fabric is such a beautiful colour though, very excited.

Had a bit if a slow day yesterday. Have decided I need to go to the doctor as the hayfever has passed just being hayfever and I think it's gone to sinuis and making me feel like I have flu and just generally sick. So I'm going to beg drugs from Dr Jaya. Lovely Dr Jaya.

Finally after days of trying to get through to someone on Fashion I got Debbie, the lovely lady in the office who luckily knows me now. Can't get through to Leslie so she's gonna get her to call me, Jo is on holiday, frustrating but apparently Leslie is in on Monday. Which could hopefully mean that if I can get the acetates in on Monday and she starts me off on the screen making I could do the rest and get the printing done. I have my dress for the wedding with the Masterchief print, print for Shelley, print for my portfolio, two flags for the wedding and if I design something else while I'm bored I'll do that too.

Frustratingly if I was allowed to make up screens by myself I would be able to just do it all any time, Debbie said she doesn't mind when I come in as long as I let her know. But as I haven't been properly trained since Jo is really posessive about the print room and I know it vaguely but not enough to go in and coat screens and work the machine.

Was a nice evening last night, went round James' and he wanted to try cooking one of the curries we normmally do. He wants to learn more Thai style food. Did well but man made me realise I was lucky to be taught cooking for myself when I was little and just the variety of foods. Some of the stuff we bought him for his birthday as a joke present like chillis his Mum had thrown away because it had changed colour and it was just such a waste. Chucking stuff that keeps for months. Such a waste. But worked out really nice.

I've not been getting any sleep at all and it's horrible. I'm waking up every hour and the sleeping stuff I used to take now just makes me painfully tired. Making the work I need to do is twice as hard.

Can't get through to the college or Leslie to work out when I need to go to college to get the printing done, a week and a half of calling college and they won't pick up, no one seems to be in the office. Don't wanna really waste petrol driving there but I think I will have to.

Though yesterday was really good, met Jack and went to the Trading Rooms pub for a bit to go through some more characters. We got through the rest, some are just vague ideas because until we get into looking at fabrics properly, but some ideas are really planned. I have to start working out the main things I need for the three characters for the promotional thing, White Rabbit, Alice and Mad Hatter.

Our Alice is really not gonna be like any Alice at all. I found an Annie Lebovitz shoot based on Alice and stuck them in my book, Jack spotted it and loved one of the dresses so I've designed a new dress based off this Chanel dress. Couture inspired Alice.

And Georgie let us into the Dixon yesterday where we'll be performing to just have a look at the space. The set up was completely different to what we want, big space but not as versatile, you can switch the seating you see. And we spent about half an hour just running about the place, figured out a hyterical entrance for Bill the Lizard involving runnning up and down through the chairs and some great things that can use for the Hatter and Hare. There is just some really funny pyhsical theatre that can be done. And I found out that James has to have a costume too as he is on stage with the music, so he's gonna be a magpie.

Sorry Alice ramble. I'm gonna try wake up and get some space to sit at my desk and do some designing.

Mum and Dad are back from their week away. Hurrah! No more worrying that Alex will shout at me, managed a whole week with not talking to each other once, no arguments or anything. That would be a first!

Been collecting tons of photos for the Alice in Wonderland costumes. Though Mum isn't in work till Wednesday, wanted to get them cut and into my book to show Jack. Frustrating when you're on a roll and it all comes to a stop. We're meeting tomorrow to go through the rest of the characters, ten more and go over some more. The more I have now to look at and think while it's in my head and there's no other project.

James stayed over last night though still seems I haven't seen him at all. He got here at 9, hadn't seen him since Monday, and then he left really early and popped back for lunch for an hour on his break. He's off on a lads break next Thursday and don't know if I'm gonna get to see him much. :( He's off on holiday for two weeks, all I want is three days holiday of my own and that's proving the hardest to get. Just three days, that would be really nice.

Though Amanda Palmer gig the plan is to get a hotel for the night. Whooo Amanda Palmer again! Love love love that woman.

They need to do more Black Books. Or a commentary on Series 3 because the commentaries are sometimes funnier than the episodes.

I've got to figure out a dinne that's gonna fill me up a lot, I'm meeting Jack and Michael at the Palace at 4 to go through the costumes then I'm working in the evening at the Palace. (Still not sure why they didn't put the fire evac training yesterday or tomorrow when there are no shows anywhere then everyone could get there and get those two hours paid for meeting) Don't fancy having a dinner at 11 or after that when I get home from work. Think I need to raid the fridge, though think Alex has eaten most of the stuff I bought for myself.

We have to go through about 25 characters. This is for the Alice in Wonderland they wrote and I'm designing. Be nice to be at the Palace, been chatting about what we can do before the show and how to decorate so people actually feel like they're entering a show. There is a basic idea of how everything is gonna be designed, big focus is on the hats. I think what I need is a whole printed version of the script, work out colours and things. It's gonna be a lot of work. And the big thing they need to do is get the cast sorted out, make sure the people who are gonna be in it stay in it.

And anyone who loves morbid artwork, this is the guy we're using as inspiration. Obviously not gonna be so dark and disturbing, but his models and his illustrations of Alice. Fantastic!

www.alexcf.com

Anyone find that advert for Cow and Gate milk with all the babies laughing deeply deeply disturbing? It's like evil baby laughter.

Left my laptop on all night, waking up on and off to check it was alright, to burna DVD of some fashion programmes I have and don't wanna loose, and the DVD doesn't work. Damn, think I didn't get the settings before I burnt it right. Well shall try again, I wanna back up some of my programmes on to DVD as well, keeping them on my external Harddrives so there's always a copy but some like 'The Secret World of Haute Couture' I'd like to see on a big screen.

Ooohhh there's this thing about SkyArts, they're doing live theatre! 30 minute plays live on tv, I wish they would do it on a normal channel, something like that which is so fantastic and different they go a limit it to a channel that you need to subscribe to. Real shame, this hasn't happened for about 30 years. Normally I hate TV, the odd documentary and I love Supersizers but most of it is absolute shit. This stuff, it's exciting.

That was interesting. I decided to take a drive to Asda, buy some bits I've been needing and just get out. The route I normally take was closed and the diversion went on for ages and ended in the middle of a residential area which is a maze of dead ends. Helpful, didn't know where the fuck I was. Good job I knew there was another entrance to the place and managed to kinda guess my way there. Whoop for Asda with £1 big bottles of Ribena. If I had more room I'd of bought more. Infact I may go back and buy three more bottles. Love Ribena!!

Got an email from Hand and Lock. I'm throgh to the second part of the competition. I wish I was excited about this but I'm not. I have to redo that sample that got stolen, Leslie wants to meet me and give me more work to do on it and I really cannot bare to look at the whole projet at all. I hate it, because I know it's not my best. I could of done so much better, my sketchbook is appauling, and I'm embarressed that I have to show my work to the people who work there. I really don't want them to see it, other people in the competition had at least 3 months to work on theirs, we had a rushed month and a bit, that is no way is gonna make up for it. There was no time to work through techniques and beading styles. No time at all. And it's 6 weeks will the wedding, I don't want more work with 6 weeks to the wedding!

Plus I got the lady who emailed me about making her a headpiece for her wedding. She wants a beaded one. Hopefully she's not wanting it soon, because I'll have to turn her down, and I don't want to do that.

I'm not as sore as I was on Sunday now. Sunday I did the sponsered walk for the Palace Theatre, we did 13.5miles in about 4 and a half hours, starting at 8 in the evening. Was really funny, stopped for doughnuts which resulted in us being the last in the whole walk then we made it really far through to the middle suprisingly. Next day all of us were sore, that was a lot of walking in one day and us with the short legs were more power walking to keep up with those with long legs.

I think we managed to raise a couple of hundred, we were gonna put it towards the wallpaper in the balcony being fixed. What is nice is that Ellen the big manager asked what we wanted it to go towards, seeing as we raised it and we should have a say. Since the wallpaper could actually get fixed by the management through a deal they have we want it towards fixing the seats, just the ones that are getting battered, making sure they don't get any worse, replace arms, just make them better!

And here is some silly photo here.

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I tried that thing with taking Zirtek before bbed to still work the next morning that Lou said. Didn't work it seems. Everything I do from moving to thinking feels like I am working my way through treacle. Really really not good.

I really hope this kitchen is finished by the weekend. He's got to get it done because he goes back to his proper work next week. Trying to cook is just horrible, half the stuff has been packed away so you spend 10 minutes just looking for a bloody onion. And then there's no where to put anything and no sink. Just a kitchen to cook in, that would be wonderful.

Well I had plans to do things today, but I honestly haven't got any energy.

Just looking through the sales for a pair of shoes for the wedding. I don't have any that would match my outfit, of course this is the reason I have been banned from looking at shoe site because I have spotted 8 so far on the first page that I want. So beautiful. Of course the three pairs I've had my eye on for ages still are not on sale.

These I've tried and they are gorgeous!




Would go with my dress perfectly



As making the dress think these would be suitable.



But of course, can't because they're too expensive!

I've got to do some organising and finish the print design for my dress today. James is round in the evening. Got really upset yesterday, just have issues with his fammily controlling what he does and in turn effects me because my plans get fucked about. Wasn't happy at all. So played Halo 2 for ages to get a bit further along. I need to go out but I think I'll do that later on when it gets a bit cooler.

Feeling really quite teary now. Met with Katy today for her leaving thing, really realised if she doesn't come back how much gonna miss her working. She's one of the original people who started working when I did, have some really great memories with her and just done some silly things around London and stuff. Just very sad.

Did have a lovely evening though. Went bowling, was only Katy, Charlotte, Jack and James because some people had to leave and some people couldn't make it last minute but was really fun. Had two games for one vouchers so did some games where I came second the first time and joint last the second, Jack winning both. Guy just kept getting strikes! Charlotte had to run to work after but I drove us down to Harvester. Had some food outside in the garden. Laughed till I cried over some silly things. Drove us back along the front to get donuts and ice cream on the seafront and sat ate. Wandered to the Cliffs to see people and then I had to drop Katy off. Was really nice to just walk along the front, we don't do it much and had a nice time just chatting and joking about. I wanna do it more. Now we have the 2 for 1 cards we're gonna try do it more as a group thing. Planning a trip for Thorpe Park too.

But now yeah, feeling kinda sad, just get sad when people from the old group have to leave.

I've found out the theme for the staff party too, Decades. I'm gonna go as a 50's housewife kinda thing. So I can make a dress I'm gonna wear. I wanna make a half wig though, I've found some synthetic hair wefts, I wanna work out making a wig base and sewing some of these, maybe I can use them for the wedding too which can style up. I can probably do it cheap too if I work out to budget it, I'm just wanting something that I can learn to style as well.

Photo I took trying to balance my camera on the rocks on the beach.

I think I've discovered why the last few days I've been so tired a lot of times I find it hard to even move. Apart from the heat which just soaks energy from me, I've been taking Zirtek for hayfever, which is working better than anything, also can cause drowseyness. Does anyone know something that has the same ingrediants as Zirtek but would hopefully not make me so tired?

I spent yesterday morning ironing for 4 hours. Darren called me to ask if I could do some costume laundry for Singin' In The Rain. Well was work as I have nothing next week. No shows at the Palace and Oliver given me nothing. Diane is now stick my name down for the ironing for others shows when the dressers drop out. She did say for dressing as well but to be honest most of the actors we get through are absolute dicks and think they are better than everyone else, I don't wanna deal with those people. Not like the guy when I was supposed to be dressing went all diva when he was subbing a lead and made me wait outside because he needed 'the space' when he had to be on stage in costume again in 5 minutes, would of made me look really bad.

Going bowling today, whenever James gets here from work. Katy has an unofficial leaving party, got two jobs in London that might become good ones. So meeting and bowling. So gonna miss Katy is she does leave. She's one of the old team from when I started, it's just not been the same since some people have had to leave.

Guess I should get some more sewing bits done today, the builder is in the kitchen all weekend, he's got two weeks to finish it. At least we have a cooker.

Watching The Ring 2. Funny funny American remakes. Why do people not use any lights in films? And whisper a lot? Must make sure I don't go to sleep too late, I was asked to go in and do some ironing in work for costume, that's another 4 hours seeing as I have no work next week at all. I managed to pick up shift for tonight too, and working tomorrow night as well. Feels strange to have this much work again, not been able to do it for a long while.

Other than working in the evening I did nothing today and it was glorious. I drove to James' after work yesterday evening and then we just slept in and did not much at all. Of course both had to leave for work, wish we had a day, a whole day, just alone. His Mum was home and it was just frustrating, never ever just completely alone. Hopefully one day.

Got an email from Judy, she said I can come in later to get cheaper fares and she's gonna give me £5 a day to help with costs which is great, saves a bit. However I may be losing a week with her. Two weeks of help with travel would of been great but looks like I either have to blag another week at Hand and Lock, and that's just to make it 4 or yet another place. Which means triple the work for the project after as we have to do loads of case studies and things on each one. I really dont wanna do these placement things, feel like if it comes to saying just fail me on this project then do it, I've spent so much time working trying to juggle work and college and just personal life I don't want to add on working in a placement on top of the next lot of work and christmas. It just gets to be too much to balance with the amount of work that they require for a project.

I need to get some sponsers for the walk to raise money for the Palace. All the people who have said they would sponser me keep saying they will but haven't. And I really need to get something. I'm walking a half marathon, gonna be fun but not if I don't have sponsers!

Was woken by banging and drilling again so still really tired, don't think I can use the shower because they're working with the water supply downstairs. And making a cup of tea is even tricky at the moment. Anyone got any good ways to wake up?

Tonight is gonna be either BBQ or take away (not sure what I want more) because we literally have no kitchen. There's no floor at the moment, the cooker is out and the sink is out. So thinking about it a take away and just eating out of the trays sounds best. lol I'm living on cornfalkes for the next few weeks. That and eating properly in the evenings. I bought myself a box and some big bottles of Ribena so I'm gonna be set.

Got back from college, I'm not in till Monday now. I've done everything, had to talk with Katrina and Leslie about what I want to do etc. Felt like was taking a beating, they said I have the skills there I just need to have the confidence. I'm glad I managed to get in for an early chat so I was sat there for longer, that's all it was, just sitting there.

And tonight I have to do the whole design for my dress print. I'm gonna try get everything done over the weekend. We need to be in on the Monday for a meeting and then I'm done. Thank god! Tonight I also need to work on Toni's corset and get as much made up along with the pattern for mine......bit of work to do really.

Yesterday went from being a shitty day to a good day. Went into college and got talked at about work placement. Both mine are confirmed but only 4 weeks and if I don't do 6 she won't pass me. I'm already taking a month off my holiday and she wants me to do it in christmas, no because that's my one time high earning and if I take anymore out of my only holiday since September I'm gonna cry. We literally have had no break since we started, there's always been college work. Now it's working on the wedding stuff, after the wedding I have maybe two weeks of my own, that's it before I start again, two weeks where I can do my own thing and make stuff to sell etc. James has said we're gonna go away somewhere, Mum has said as I haven't actually had a holiday away properly for a few years she'll pay for a hotel for me. And it's losing a month and a half of work where other people get paid holiday, I get holiday pay based on how much I've worked, taking that time off just makes it worse.

And Leslie's answer "You have to speculate to acculumate." Oh fuck off! You got grants for all your course, other people are getting grants, I get nothing and I'm looking at £6000 debt already from loan fees. That's not fun with other stuff I need to pay off. I don't get any help, I'm never gonna be eligable for any help. So don't give me this shit that it's just debt and it's worth it because you know if the money isn't there it isn't there.

Sorry rant just she drives me insane.

Plus some of my work got stolen. My beading for the hat project. With sequins I've run out of, she just told me to do it again and that I have to do more for the hat project which nearly had me in tears because I don't even want to look at it again.


But went to meet Mum in town on her lunch and got some food. We found some jewellery that would match her outfit for the wedding in a sale and she got me beautiful blue sparkly ring for the wedding which will match my dress perfectly.

I also got some new underwear because the stuff I've been waiting for was really reduced and I had to clean out all my drawers and throw some horrible old stuff away. Underwear cheers me up, I can buy beautiful things off the peg and know it will fit properly. Unlike most clothes which are just shit.

Evening I went to James' and just had an evening relaxing, with betty crocker brownie mix and getting to spend time together which we haven't properly been able to do for a while.

Work tonight, I think next few weeks I'm living on cornflakes because the kitchen is being fitted, and they woke me up at 8 with loud drilling and I haven't even been able to get in for a cup of tea. I hope this gets done quickly.

So very tired still. Yesterday I started cleaning my room, my hayfever was already bad but the dust just had my nose itching constantly, sneezing every 30 seconds and my eyes streaming, so by the end of the day I was so drain, stayed over James' and had to get up really early as usual so just sleepy. Trying to get some bits sorted out and either chucked or put away, there's so much paper!

Working Blur tonight which is competely sold out so gonna be so busy in the shop. Hopefully I can stick my head in for a song. Can't get hold of Poppy to see if I can sneak her in.

And photos of the outfit I finally completed for the show. She said she wants to wear it to the Pink Toothbrush on her next night out. It's basically see through. lol We had to dye and print everything ourselves so yeah, everything has been made form scratch.



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It's finally over! Though we have to be in next week for some reason, don't know why was we're done with everything. I have spent pretty much all of today sleeping. Played a bit of Halo and my new Mirror's Edge game I got for cheap, and then more sleeping and now just got up and showered and I shalll have to start the task of the big tidy. I'm gonna work in sections I think. And make sure this weekend all the bits I need for screens are made up.

The fashion show went really well. I didn't see anything because we were doing the dressing but everyone said was great and Katrina came up and said she was really proud of us. That our's looked amazing really professional above the rest of the things done. That from her meant a lot. The last few days have been really stressful. People getting angry, getting snappy, tutors not being helpful at all, telling us things like we needed shoes on the day of the show when we were told no shoes which meant running about trying to find some, lot of arguments with the tutors over how unhelpful they were being expecting us to of done stuff they hadn't informed us of, working out very quick changes, figuring out who needed to be where.

And when we dorve home and James and I stopped outside KFC he couldn't keep it in anymore and said he had bought my christmas present already, which is tickets to see Muse at the o2! :D Whooo Muse! And Mum is buying tickets on her pre order account to see Amanda Palmer in London in September. I'm taking James and she's bringing her Pam, who I'm looking forward to meeting. :D

Now I guess I need to do all the washing I've had no time to do later, find some rice from somewhere, and then try get some cleaning up done.

Posting as my dress is just being a pain to sew because it's so slippy.

Last night at work was nice, Matt was on so no rush. There was a thunder storm which was brilliant! I was stood in the front booth selling programmes so I watched it all. It was Sally Morgan a pyshic. I have issues with mediums who do stuff like this to make money. Especially when they hand out cards with a number to talk to a "hand picked mediums" to ask any question you want and it doesn't even tell you the price just that's it's an 0900. Something I do not trust. Though she liked my hair, we had microphones to hand out to the audience so she could talk to them and I was runnning about all evening (as I always seem to get the lot on my side doing these lol) and after the tenth time she commented how she loved my hair, nothing to make you more self concious than to have someone make a comment that has the entire theatre of 1600 people look at you.

Plus side, I was wearing one of my headbands, and a lady spotted it and asked if where I got it, when I said I made it she mentioned something about a wedding and asked for a contact. Of course all my business cards had vanished from my bag but I left some paper with it all in the shop and she picked it up, so hopefully that comes to something.